by Timberry on June 29, 2009
Gulp. In the byline to this examiner.com piece, she calls herself a Boston Sex and Relationships expert. That’s awkward, at least to me. Maybe it’s her picture too, but you’d have to click for that. In the meantime, here are Effie Organides’ Top ten reasons why relationships work. This is all direct quote:
1. Goals – both parties have similar short term and long term goals. This is important because once everything is on the table, a new level of comfort and stability come into the relationship.
2. Monogamy – both parties both want to be in a monogamous relationship. This? Is key.
3. Trust – when a high level of trust is formed, it knocks out negatives such as jealousy and feelings of disloyalty (paranoia).
4. Drive – it is imperative that both parties in a relationship have the drive to make the relationship work. One careless partner can destroy the relationship.
5. Common Interests – sure, opposites attract, but it’s always a plus to have something in common. Doing things together does more for your relationship than you think. It’s like glue.
6. Chemistry – yes, this has to do with being attracted to one another and wanting to make out with each other on a healthy basis.
7. Compatibility – this has more to do with the interlocking of two people’s personalities. Someone who is aggressive, loud, and outgoing will work best with someone who compliments those attributes. Personalities should be complementing not overshadowing.
8. Family Values – a couple that has similar family values will find life (and holidays) together easier. This has less to do with religion or culture – but more to do with how close each other is to their family and if each person is a “family person.”
9. Communication – this is also key to a happy, healthy relationship. Learning to talk with each other (not TO each other) is an art really.
10. Fighting fair – every couple is going to fight. Learning to fight fair is essential. Less yelling, more getting to the point – there is no “winner” and there is always a kiss before bed.
by Timberry on June 4, 2009
I’ve reached 61 years old now, and we’re six months away from a 40th wedding anniversary, and in all my life, the best definition of love I’ve ever run across is this one:
And another thing. Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is.
Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion, it is not the desire to mate every second minute of the day, it is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every cranny of your body.
No, don’t blush, I am telling you some truths. That is just being “in love”, which any fool can do.
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
But sometimes the petals fall away and the roots have not entwined. Imagine giving up your home and your people, only to discover after six months, a year, three years, that the trees have had no roots and have fallen over. Imagine the desolation. Imagine the imprisonment.
That’s from the 1995 novel Corelli’s Mandolin, by Louis de Bernières. I heard it first as delivered by a father to his grown-up daughter in Captain Corelli’s Mandolin, a 2001 movie starring Nicholas Cage and Penelope Cruz.
by Timberry on May 21, 2009
Very nice post: simplify life and focus your mind to live well. Good advice.
F – Figure out the cause. Take 10 minutes to think about why you feel unfocused and consider the activities that make you feel this way.
O - One thing at a time. Focus defined is the art of concentrating interest or activity on something. Distractions come in many forms.
C – Cut back. Simplify your life. Simplify commitments that don’t support your short and long-term goals.
U – Use your mind as a tool. No sleep is detrimental to our health and ability to focus. As someone who’s struggled with this in the past (and still does), the realization that my mind is a tool that I control seriously impacted my life in a positive way.
S – Say no. Learn to value and prioritize your time. Be firm. know what you want. Don’t apologize for it. Understand what’s on your plate and be conscious of what space you have available for other activities.
